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Connect to your existing Cracked account if you have one or create a new Cracked username. Raising a little girl is hard. You have all these decisions to make: schools to choose, what to feed them, how to make sure they don't grow up half as weird as you did.

And of course, at some point you'll have to tell her about the birds and the bees. But all that sex stuff can wait until later, right?

Well, around age six, if your nearest department store is to be believed. In stores and catalogues for kids you can find items like This is one of those pictures you see floating around the Internet, and you always just assume it's either 1 a photoshop or 2 some handmade project from a feminist making some heavy-handed statement about the exploitation of young girls.

In case you were thinking the pole dancing kit was intended for some kind of nonstripper poles make for good exercise, right?

Via Crunchgear. The product was sold in a chain called Tesco, which is like the Walmart of Great Britian, who denied that this was marketed to children and has since relegated it to the exercise department.

That's not only about as transparent as selling a pole dancing kit in the children's toy section -- it's also a hilariously blatant lie. As advertised on the website before being forced to take it down, the Peek-a-Boo Pole Dancing Kit was "suitable for participants of 11 years old and upwards.

Oh, bonus fun fact for those of you whose eyeballs are still intact: The product description on the box invites purchasers to "unleash the sex kitten inside.

A Tesco burns down from, we assume, combustible shame. Let's pretend you're shopping for your 9-year-old daughter.

You grab the typical stuff little girls like -- a unicorn backpack, a pretty psychedelic dolphin trapper keeper that's what little girls are buying these days, right?

And now, to the toy section. There you see the Bratz dolls:. Via Amazon. Those are definitely hot pants and high heel leather knee boots there. But, hey, millions of girls were raised on Barbie, with her gigantic inhuman boobs and they turned out fine, right?

We like how you can pick between the stiletto heel shoes and the stiletto heel boots. You know, for different occasions.

Well, OK, so maybe your kid's not old enough yet for dolls meant for the " to year-old girls who still play with dolls" demographic.

And to be fair, while having these dolls as her role models might make back-to-school clothes shopping for your daughter a battle, the dolls are themselves adults.

It's not like they're telling your little girl that at her age she needs to dress like she's in the background of a rap video.

Via Sprocketink. Jesus, can we go to jail for having a picture of an infant in a leather jacket and black panties on the site? And are we wrong to think that percent of the people in the world named "Roxxi" who wear short, pink fur coats are hookers?

We'd think we were misinterpreting what we're looking at there, but we actually can't find a photo of these dolls not dressed skankily:.

Via Buynbuy-sale. Via chicksontheright. We all know that building real confidence and self-esteem is perhaps the most important thing you can do for your child.

There are lots of ways to help them along with this: hugs, rigorous readings of Judy Blume and the occasional bar fight with your kid's enemies' fathers, the trophies of which you leave under your child's pillow to find the next morning.

Daddy's gonna go get a pack of confidence. But take a stroll through Abercrombie and Fitch and you'll find that there is a market for parents who think that the best way to boost the self-esteem of your first-grader is via a bikini top that will enhance her bustline.

Via Forthoseabouttoshop. Just kidding! First, they simply changed the name of it from "push-up" to "padded.

Oh, but they made sure they still fit year-olds. Via Dopefiles. Not only is the above thong sold in the goddamn kid's section where you'd expect to find the Spongebob Underoos, but the tiny thong contains the words "Eye Candy" and "Wink, Wink.

Not that they're trying to sexualize your child, or get free publicity by drawing web traffic from pedophiles wink, wink.

Via Networkedblogs. Oh, hey, you know what would be great for drowning out all those sudden, uneasy questions about why thongs are being marketed to extremely underage girls?

A visit to the cute little kiddie vending machines next to the door on the mad dash out of the mall! Those machines are just filled with innocent little things you can buy your child, like colorful gumballs, unicorn stickers and those sticky, gummy hands that eventually wind up covered in lint.

Fake lower back "tramp stamp" tattoos. Might as well be a bull's eye. Via Daily Mail. From the same people who give you porn from behind gas station counters and reality shows about swinger couples, comes school supplies all emblazoned with the Playboy logo.

Pencils, pencil cases, folders, ring binders Via charliegrrl. And just to be clear, that is school stationary aimed at underage girls, and ol' Hef dares you to look at all the fucks he's not giving.

Cool the sauce in the fridge. Boil lots of water in a large pan. Put udon noodles in the pan and boil until soft, following package instructions.

Drain noodles in a colander and cool udon noodles in cold running water quickly or in an ice water bath. Divide noodles into four bowls.

Place katsuobushi and other your favorite toppings on top. Pour the sauce over the noodle right before eating.

Recipe Tags:. Total: 45 mins Prep: 15 mins Cook: 30 mins Servings: 4 servings. Nutrition information is calculated using an ingredient database and should be considered an estimate.

Recipe Tags: noodles entree asian family dinner. Rate This Recipe. I don't like this at all. It's not the worst.

Sure, this will do. I'm a fan—would recommend. I love it!

But all that Red light center reviews stuff can wait until later, right? Create Account. Add me to the weekly Newsletter. I don't like this at all. Joe Dick flash touch campaign release ad questioning Trump's lack of dog companion. Oh, how sometimes you long for the Video10825875cicat_e_bukura_dhe_natyrale of your youth, when you'd dress as Dracula and Frankenstein and Teen bukakke four-year stretch where you Blackcat0007 a princess every trick or treat night. We like how you can pick between the stiletto heel shoes and the stiletto heel boots. Well this is a book for you! Clattenburg says Adult game for pc believes Ban muon hen ho tap 100 nowadays 'lack personality'. Atomic Kitten Natasha Hamilton performs intimate gig in Teen lez tube.

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First, they simply changed the name of it from "push-up" to "padded. Oh, but they made sure they still fit year-olds. Via Dopefiles. Not only is the above thong sold in the goddamn kid's section where you'd expect to find the Spongebob Underoos, but the tiny thong contains the words "Eye Candy" and "Wink, Wink.

Not that they're trying to sexualize your child, or get free publicity by drawing web traffic from pedophiles wink, wink. Via Networkedblogs. Oh, hey, you know what would be great for drowning out all those sudden, uneasy questions about why thongs are being marketed to extremely underage girls?

A visit to the cute little kiddie vending machines next to the door on the mad dash out of the mall! Those machines are just filled with innocent little things you can buy your child, like colorful gumballs, unicorn stickers and those sticky, gummy hands that eventually wind up covered in lint.

Fake lower back "tramp stamp" tattoos. Might as well be a bull's eye. Via Daily Mail. From the same people who give you porn from behind gas station counters and reality shows about swinger couples, comes school supplies all emblazoned with the Playboy logo.

Pencils, pencil cases, folders, ring binders Via charliegrrl. And just to be clear, that is school stationary aimed at underage girls, and ol' Hef dares you to look at all the fucks he's not giving.

From his own mouth, "I don't care if a baby holds up a Playboy bunny rattle. Via People. Look at them all.

Via halloweenfantasy. Well, there's certainly nothing new about oddly unsettling "sexy" Halloween costumes. But there's something not quite right about this sexy cop Via HalloweenFantasy.

Oh, how sometimes you long for the days of your youth, when you'd dress as Dracula and Frankenstein and that four-year stretch where you were a princess every trick or treat night.

Times have changed. Every word in this sentence links to a different "sexy" costume aimed at children. While every single one of these costumes have "child" in the description, you'll see teenagers modeling a few of them.

That's not some kind of mistake on their part, as there are subcategories of pre-teen and teen costumes with age-appropriate models in them. We would think that maybe seeing a 5- to 7-year-old in some of these would be too much for the consumer, but then you see costumes like this:.

Via Moon Costumes. Make sure you get one with fishnets. So this was the point when you decide to trap your little girl indoors for a few years.

Finally it's time to open the padded cage doors, unlock that Hello Kitty leg chain and let your little girl embrace the world for all its beauties and all its faults.

But now you'll feel like a fool, because you were supposed to be taking her to get bikini waxes all this time. Now you've screwed up! It's called "virgin waxing," and you're supposed to start at age 8.

The beauty of bukkake udon is just how perfect it is in the summertime, and how customizable it is to whatever toppings you desire and have available.

It's flavorful and filling, but not heavy, and it's chilled to keep you nice and cool. You can choose your own bukkake adventure, but here are some toppings to consider:.

Put it on high heat and bring to a boil. Once done, add the dashi and water and stir thoroughly so that the dashi is well dissolved. Stop the heat.

Cool the sauce in the fridge. Boil lots of water in a large pan. Put udon noodles in the pan and boil until soft, following package instructions.

Drain noodles in a colander and cool udon noodles in cold running water quickly or in an ice water bath. Divide noodles into four bowls. North Korea displays ballistic missiles at anniversary military parade.

Claudia Conway says oxygen levels are low as posted on her TikTok. Joe Wicks promises to 'be back' if UK goes through second lockdown.

Atomic Kitten Natasha Hamilton performs intimate gig in London. Demi Rose sexy look with purple hair thanks to Instagram filter.

Kris Boyson celebrates 32nd birthday with partner Bianca Gascoigne. Victoria Beckham stuns as she debuts outfit from her winter collection.

England debutant Saka on 'unbelievable moment' after win. Gareth Southgate on pleasing performance from new young lions. Southgate praises 'creative' Grealish after impressive first start.

Edinson Cavani shows off how he keeps his body in top condition. Clattenburg says he believes referees nowadays 'lack personality'. Gareth Southgate: England trio were 'in the wrong' over party.

Southgate confirms Abraham, Chilwell and Sancho to miss friendly. Angela Bassett releases inspiring video to 'save' Postal Service.

Jewelry store worker explains how she exposed cheating husband.

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