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So you're finally here, in a big city with lots of different people. When you lived in the small town, the only place you saw people who didn't look like you was on TV.

Now they are out and about in real life, in flesh and blood; they sit next to you on the bus, stand in front of and behind you in grocery lines, sell you bongs in seedy cigarette shops.

Some of these different-looking people are black men, and some of these black men have attractive bodies and mysterious eyes. Something in you not only wants to meet some of these black men, but also fuck them.

If you are in this condition, known as "jungle fever" there's also yellow fever, but that's another matter altogether , then here are a few important things you should know about having sex with a black man.

First and foremost, when the black man you are about to get it on with pulls down his pants and reveals a shockingly small penis, try your very best not to look upset or surprised or confused.

Look pleased or supportive or, best of all, like you didn't even notice a thing. Black men with small penises have the hardest time in this society.

Like a hunchback is aware of his physical flaw, the black man with a small penis is aware of the fact that he is a walking, breathing disappointment, the living negation of an enormous sexual myth.

Even normal-looking, and normal-performing, brothers feel the guilt and burden of not being all they are rumored to be.

Don't ask a brother to go down on you. It's not going to happen, and brothers also don't care for long sessions of foreplay. Just get right to it and keep it simple, keep it real.

While having sex, do not call the brother a "black stud," or "hot chocolate," or "my nigger. Don't play hiphop while having sex with a black man. Now this is very important: Don't act and talk like a sister during sex.

If a brother wants to go to bed with a sister, he'll do just that—go to bed with a sister. The reason why he is going to bed with you is because you are white, and so act and talk like you look, white.

Any time a black man walks around with a white woman he's giving off the impression that white women are his specific preference and that he has a problem with women of his own race, and because that applies to some black men who date white women, it becomes a label that all of us are subjected to.

It's nothing to walk past a random black woman on the street and get a death glare and maybe even overhear something like, "They're taking all of our men.

Shit is crazy out here. I promise. I totally get where black women are coming from, too. Truth be told, it's important to me that they also get where I'm coming from and know that I'm not one of these sellouts who views them as undesirable.

But because I know I'm not one of those sellouts, I feel no guilt about dating white women. If anything, I just hate that there's such a vast misconception about my intentions from people who don't even know me.

I've been with many black women. But I don't feel obligated to be with them. A lot of white women have been extremely accepting of and loving towards me my entire life and that's all there is to it.

Though this very article was written in an attempt to bring context to these consistently misunderstood relationships, I don't have to explain who I date to anyone.

The reason why I do anything is because I want to. I never really think about race while dating unless somebody else makes it an issue or I notice that the way a white woman I'm with looks at something is flawed because of her upbringing.

But that's not a dealbreaker. I view it as an opportunity to educate and eradicate even a small amount of ignorance. If I explain some racially complex subtlety of life to my white girlfriend, that's one more white person who knows why using "ghetto" as a pejorative is cringeworthy and offensive.

That's one more white person who knows why I'm going to arrogantly list off my academic and professional achievements if some white person asks me if I play basketball.

And I do play basketball. But don't assume that that's how the fuck I got by in life because I'm black and tall. And I'm going to go off if you say some dumb shit like that to me.

But outside of those situations, I'm not thinking about race like that. I've always just dated women who made sense for me. I've never gone into it thinking, she should be white.

The thing is, I have to consider that while I've hooked up with women of other races, just about all of my girlfriends in life, since I was 13, have been white.

What does that even mean? Am I secretly one of those black guys who thinks white women are better and hotter and I'm just not ignorant enough to admit it?

I've never gone out of my way to reject black women; I just have way higher success rates with white women. I went to a black high school and I wasn't on any of that thug shit and I'm not saying all black women want thugs, but at my high school, a lot of them did and they didn't really care about me.

And that's fine. I wasn't like, "Oh my God, black women don't want me," because I'm not entitled to any woman.

But there were white girls at school who were fucking with me and that's who I went with. Still, I can't help but wonder if I've been brainwashed by the Eurocentric beauty standards that dominate the world.

I've had varying degrees of romance with women of most races—beyond the black and white binary.

Personality is always decisive, but we know that physical attraction is important. I'm very honestly and legitimately attracted to the features of black women, and Latina women, and Asian women, and Indian women, and any other type of woman, but I definitely like the straight, light hair and fair skin and colored eyes you get with a lot of white women.

It's not like I think that type of beauty is superior, but motherfuckers try to make you feel guilty for being attracted to those types of features at all.

Let's be real, blonde hair and blue eyes are fucking attractive and thinking that doesn't mean you're a piece of shit who gives those features inherent value over the features of other races.

Rihanna is hot and so is Blake Lively. Lupita N'yongo is hot and so is Allison Williams. Sue me for not allowing my race to limit what I find attractive.

Maybe knowing how much a diverse range of attraction upsets people is part of the appeal of interracial dating. No matter how much more commonplace relationships between black men and white women become, the historical context always gives them a rebellious, taboo component that, honestly, kind of adds to the fun and excitement.

Interracial marriages weren't even legal in every state 50 years ago. I've never gone into an interracial relationship outright trying to rebel against anything, but I've always enjoyed making people uncomfortable because ignorant, close-minded fucks need to have new ways of thinking shoved in their faces so they understand that they're wrong and shit is different now.

White women are sadly some type of trophy and marker of success, and that's a huge fucking problem. As a black man, it invalidates the authenticity of any relationships I have with white women.

It's depressingly superficial and it's dangerous. This ideal is why Elliot Rodger felt he had a right to start shooting—because he couldn't get a white woman to go with his BMW.

That said, I understand where the ideal comes from. Whites are privileged in this society and having what they have serves as validation for a lot of people.

Successful minorities love to say, "You're privileged but I'm so smart and awesome and financially secure that I have the same, if not better, house, car, and woman as you.

Even if you're smart enough to look at the woman you're dating as a human and not a prized object, that mentality is still going to be cast upon you.

You can be completely forthright and fair about whom you date but society will force you to consider these extra circumstances.

I fall in love indiscriminately, but third parties will never let it be that simple for me. They'll always question my motives, and despite having no agenda, I have to think about beauty standards and how they influence me, subconsciously or not.

Black men who are confused and self-hating muddle this further, and even more so if they have biracial children who turn out to be the same way.

The same goes for the opposite side of the spectrum. That's just how it is. That comes with the territory. If you've been doing it long enough you're used to it and it doesn't faze you because it's all you know.

But you still get looks. You still get questions. And all you can do is continue not giving a fuck and hope it won't be that way someday.

Ernest Baker is a writer living in New York. Follow him on Twitter here.

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Powa Sistah. Next Post. Leave a Reply Cancel reply Your email address will not be published. He got dragged out of his uncle's house and tortured and killed because he maybe flirted with a white woman.

A racist jury acquitted his murderers, Roy Bryant and J. Milam, despite overwhelming evidence, and, to rub salt in the wound, both admitted to killing Till in Look magazine the next year.

The shoe was on the other foot for once and so be it if two white people wound up dead. We'd lost many more. That's harsh, but that's the historical context of black men dating white women that I unfortunately have to consider when doing the same.

Though those events are something of which I'm always cognizant, I didn't adhere to them as any sort of cautionary tale.

The story of Till's murder didn't scare me as much as it made me want to piss off racist fucks even more. And I was only six years old when the O.

Even then, I understood that it was racial, but there was a disconnection from my personal reality. Nothing about my worldview was sexualized yet.

Whatever I learned from the trial was tucked away as something that I should know as a black man, but it didn't have a life-altering impact on my own development.

I'm not going to murder anyone. For whatever implications the trial had, that shit also had nothing to do with me. The idea was always to live my life however I wanted to live it.

I don't say that as some guilt-ridden rationalization for dating white women. There was no rationalization. I grew up how I grew up.

I never consciously set out to date white women. My attraction to them was likely a natural response to my environment. The year after the O.

Nobody was trying to assimilate with white people, but sometimes that's just the way things go when you want a better home and better schools for your family.

But it does have an unforeseen effect on your outlook when you're one of the few black families in town. Before I was even 10, I started having crushes on girls, trying to get my first kiss, and all of that.

All I saw around me were white girls. I thought this girl was hot because of her freckles and I thought that girl was hot because of her soft hair or whatever and I just wasn't in fifth grade thinking about the racial ramifications of features that I found attractive.

Other people think about that, though. I was consuming all of this media and I could just sense from the adults around me that, as a black person, when I was watching TRL , it was expected that I be more attracted to the girls in Destiny's Child than Britney Spears.

By middle school, and especially high school, those expectations were even more apparent. I started to see what it really meant to be in an interracial relationship.

Sometimes white girls hid me from their family, especially their father. That was normal. I had one girlfriend in high school who strictly forbade doorbell ringing.

I'd let her know when I'd be outside. She was not going to go through the trouble of calling attention to the fact that she was going out with a black guy.

I can't say that my own mother has never asked, "When are you going to bring home a girl who looks like me?

To me, it was simple. The girls who showed me the most attention at school were white. The world made it complicated and assumed I had an ulterior motive, and it sucks, but I understand why.

There are self-hating black men who date white women for contrived and pathetic reasons and I hate them.

They're so upfront about their exclusive attraction to white women and they'll give you a list of reasons why. It is deliberate for them.

They smugly go out of their way to put down black women based on stereotypical notions about their attitude, or hair, or something equally stupid and it's corny and disgusting.

That's one of the issues with interracial dating. Don't play hiphop while having sex with a black man. Now this is very important: Don't act and talk like a sister during sex.

If a brother wants to go to bed with a sister, he'll do just that—go to bed with a sister. The reason why he is going to bed with you is because you are white, and so act and talk like you look, white.

Missy Elliott, your favorite sister rapper on BET, has warned you about "two-minute brothers. There are one-minute brothers out there, and you just might end up with one.

If that happens, sorry, so sorry. There's nothing anybody can do about that. After sex, don't look puzzled or lost in thought. The brother will think you are disappointed with the whole affair.

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